fic fragment: Nanny Goats

The other day I was looking back through an old notebook, and found the following summary:

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Of course, he hadn’t known about the curse on the place, or the neighbors.

Hero/warrior dude gets stuck on a farm.

Whatever story was once there is long gone, but the six or so lines of dialogue following it were a bit more inspiring. So I present you with the following, undeniably silly, double drabble. And I apologize in advance for the travesty which is Lionel's accent.


"Don’t got no wimmin." Lionel said, and after a moment’s thought spat for verisimilitude. The lieutenant regarded Gertrude with a dubious eye.

"No? Well, that sure looks like one." He looked like he wanted nothing more than a good excuse to haul Lionel up before his superiors. But having made it this far, Lionel refused to give the lieutenant any opening.

"What? Oh, that. Ain’t actually a wimmin." And for a moment, submerged in his persona of idiot farmer, he almost believed what he was saying. Almost.

"Really." Any drier, and the good lieutenant would be speaking sandpaper, not words.

"’S a nanny goat. Gives good milk, when’s got a mind to." Gertrude’s face twisted as he said that, and for a moment he thought he’d gone too far, driving her to either outrage or laughter. He and the lieutenant both watched her with interest–as she went, so went the rest of the encounter. But after a brief struggle she pulled herself together, and bleated with a rather amused look.


Now the lieutenant looked like he wanted to laugh. "I . . . see." Or rather, his look seemed to say to Lionel, I don’t.

It went on like that for a while.
that actually sound amusingly like Terry Pratchett.

more? or just a random idea?

Terry Pratchett? You just made my day!

I'd like to say there's more, but I'm not sure what it would be. But if I ever figure out what on earth is going on, I'll certainly post it here.
See? SEE??!!! Random delights!! Absolute jems just sittin' there, to make me smiiiiile.... =D

...Okay, and because you deserve more than just nebulous squee, this is one of those things you do SO well, where there's a whole big story and you've given us an itty bitty chunk, and I can't say for sure exactly what's going on, but I totally get the gist of it, and the feel of it, which in this case is pure comic gold, and I love it!!! ^^
Honestly, I have no idea where this came from, who anyone is--well, no. Lionel is a retired hero who is now either a farm hand or a farmer, and the lieutenant is, well, a lieutenant (although I don't know what army he serves in or if he's good/evil/indifferent), but Gertrude remains a mystery. But I really don't have any idea why the soldiers are looking for (a? any? all?) woman, or why Lionel's pretending Gertrude's a goat, or what happens before or after. It's just something my brain hiccuped up when I wasn't paying attention.

But hey--it makes people smile (it makes me smile), so I'm not going to ask for more. ^_^
It does totally just give me the happy. And not the greedy, either, though I'm not morally opposed to more, should it occur. ;P I'm so glad you post these little bits, when someone else might be just annoyed that they won't become full stories. 'Cause even the bits that are part of a larger work are full and complete in their own fragmentitious ways. ^^