fic: Lines [sga]

He stares at his face in the mirror sometimes, wondering how easy it would be to fake being him.

Spoilers for "Critical Mass"

Stargate: Atlantis belongs to someone else.


by Brat Farrar

John had wanted to say No, no—we are different, we are nothing like the Wraith, but he couldn’t find the words to explain, and Elizabeth wouldn’t be willing to listen, anyway. That was obvious in the set of her eyes and mouth, the tension in her shoulders. So he put on his I’m thinking about it face and left as soon as was polite. The excuse he gave was the need to find a camera before Radek undid the kids’ handiwork, but mostly John just wanted to escape Elizabeth and the evidence of another small failure on his part.

He could see now that he should have convinced her to let someone else head up the investigation, should have made her stop and look for evidence before moving on to interrogation, should have looked beyond the dislike everyone had for Kavanagh. But he hadn’t, and now she blamed herself for the outcome—never mind that they were still all alive and unharmed. Thank heaven for Cadman's stubbornness. They’d even saved Caldwell, although it had taken them a horrifyingly long time to figure that out.

The Wraith wouldn’t have given a second thought about Kavanagh, probably wouldn’t have bothered trying to save Atlantis. They would have simply cut and run, or else started sucking the info they needed directly out of peoples’ heads.

If John was like the Wraith, he wouldn’t be having nightmares of being trapped in his own body, of no one noticing that it was someone else looking out through his eyes—of the line blurring between 'John' and 'not-John' until there wasn't any left. He wouldn’t keep himself up at night wondering how long Caldwell had actually been someone else. He’d nearly hated the man, after the whole nearly-turning-into-a-bug fiasco (and he still had plenty of nightmares about that), but what if it hadn’t been Caldwell at all?

No one else seemed to care about it though, so he told himself to stop thinking about it and just keep doing his job.
Yeah, although in this case the moral dilemma was compounded by the stupidity of their actions. I mean, simply asking crew members if they thought anyone was behaving suspiciously and not looking for any actual evidence? And I thought Cadman worked with explosives, not computers. The episode had a lot of potential, but didn't quite make it, in my opinion.

Not to say that I didn't enjoy it. Zelenka in face paint! Caldwell as a Goa'uld! John being smart and switching to a taser!
Neat little fic. Good point you make about Cadman working with explosives not computers. It seemed a little OOC - as if the only reason the writers made it Cadman was to be an annoyance to Rodney, which did seem a little lame.
Yeah, Cadman's role in the whole thing was a little confusing - you'd think if would have been figured out by one of the gate techs or someone like that.

Thank you for reading!
WOOT! Better late than never. ;) *huggles* Nicely done... *agrees on the vacation part* ;)
Thanks! I was kind of irritated with myself that I didn't get it done sooner, but oh well. Life kept getting in the way, as it does.
this is a lovely, horrifying little piece, just John and his thoughts. well done!
Thank you! Horrifying was exactly what I was going for, so I'm glad it came through that way.
Awww, poor John! *hugs him*

This was a great little piece of introspection. Nice job of pointing out all the ways that the Atlanteans are different than the Wraith, and how Elizabeth was not willing to listen at that point. :)
I think by the time she said that to John, at the end of the episode, she'd completely made her mind up about the matter.

Glad you liked it. ^_^
This is so neat, reading your earlier stories! Your writing style is noticeably more subtle now, but it looks like you've always had really insightful things to say about John, who is so much more deeply affected by things than he's willing to let on. Very cool!
This is so neat, reading your earlier stories!

I go back and read them myself sometimes, and it's almost like reading someone else's work. Not quite, because I can remember the actual writing, and as you say, there's continuity between these early things and what I'm writing now, but still. If I were to write this now, it would probably be longer, and a little less entirely inside John's head. But the gist of it would be the same. I think.

Hm. It might be interesting at some point to remix some of my early stuff.