drabble: Vermin Control (for Sophonisba)

Vermin Control
for saphanibaal's prompt of 'vampire pirates'

The thing is that the sun doesn’t really do anything to vampires. They don’t like it, but that’s because they’re nocturnal. Sunlight certainly doesn’t make them burst into flames, at most giving them a terrific headache.

Consequently, the shadowless expanse of the ocean isn’t much protection against them. So most of the merchant ships sailing the Caribbean carry more religious paraphernalia than some cathedrals, and a priest or two to boot: holy water does more than give vampires a migraine. But despite the hassle, few sailors complain—after all, throwing holy water at regular pirates only gets them wet. And cranky.


Um. So, I'll write something about the French Matter sometime soon, yes?
Hey, migraines are no laughing matter, and a faceful of holy water is danged unpleasant. Unless you're just a regular pirate, in which case it's mostly irritating.

Of course, there aren't many non-vampire pirates left - they have trouble hanging onto priests, and so don't have any way to combat the vampires, except by setting them on fire. Which doesn't go so well when you're in a wooden boat.

And I could tell you more about vampire pirates and the socio-economic consequences than you'd ever want to hear, so I'll shut up now.
Wouldn't the salt water do bad things to them? Also, are they smart enough to sail ships properly?

Frankly, it seems a bit like overkill to me. Ninja vampire pirates, on the other hand....
Tutors are invincible. Everyone knows that. The rest of it's just redundant.

But cool.

(Can you imagine having seminar with a couple of those? People would be very careful about their treatment of the text. For the first five minutes, at least.)
*dies of laughter* 'The students retaliated by declaiming loudly from the introductions to their various editions.'
I don't know, but there's something very funny about someone being both. It's sort of like - actually, I can't think of anything comparable. The combo is very silly, yet very awesome.

(Would their ship be painted black, and sail about unnoticed by anyone until it was too late?)
Oh, good. You liked it. I had fun writing it - particularly with getting it to fit 100 words exactly.

(If you hadn't guessed, I am very amused by the idea of priests being dragged around the Caribbean as the vampire equivalent of bug-zappers.)