December 16th, 2010

ronon

5 things ronon doesn't want anyone to know about him

{because he thinks they would never let him live it down)

Although I'm afraid I didn't do a very good job of matching the tone of kriadydragon's examples: "Ronon likes baby bunnies, or kittens, or pink ribbons, or something". Sorry about that.

*

1. His name means “small fuzzy thing”—at least, that’s what his older sister always told him, and everyone else he asked always just smiled and refused to answer.

(He always meant to find out for himself, but first he didn’t know how and then he wound up in the specialist corps, chasing Wraith, and then it was too late. And anyway, deep down he’s always suspected he was better off not knowing for sure.)

2. He was a conscript—pretty much everyone from his generation was, thanks to the Wraith, but he knows Sheppard and his men are all volunteers and he doubts they’d understand.

(If he’d had a choice, would he have become a soldier anyway? Yes, he thinks, automatically, easily as breathing, but doubt lurks beneath that; once, he might have given anything to be an artist, an accountant, a man who sat at a desk with soft hands and an untroubled heart.)

3. Melina asked him, not the other way around. If she’d waited another fortnight, he would’ve, but he’d still been screwing up his resolve when she finally ran out of patience.

4. From the ages of four to seven and a half, his life’s ambition was to become a kattin. Not a kattin herder, an actual kattin. A gigantic, furry, floppy-eared, dumber-than-a-pile-of-rocks, blue . . . thing, that spends most of its time trying to eat inaccessible, inedible plants. All he can figure is that he was really stupid when he was young.

5. Sometimes when he wakes up, there’s this long moment when he’s sure that Atlantis and the home he’s made there are all a dream, and he’s still on the run, still two steps from becoming an animal, a madman, one of the walking dead. And he almost begins to weep in utter despair, before seeing his room and remembering his place and knowing that this dream is real.

(Sometimes he’s sure that those seven years were just a nightmare and after the next mission he’ll have leave to go home, to be with Melina and his family and to find out if his name really means “small fuzzy thing” or something else, something more.

Those times he doesn’t cry, not until after he opens his eyes.)