sga au

5 ways to go crazy without trying [sga]

um. this was not what i expected would happen when i started writing.


1. It's just a niggle at the back of John's brain for the first few weeks, but it slowly escalates into the equivalent of mental poison ivy or the bugbite from hell and it just won't go away, not even when he 'accidentally' smashes his (left) hand in one of the too-eager automatic sliding doors, which was admittedly stupid but he's having trouble thinking more than a second and a half into the future because that's how long it takes for him to remember that scratching at the back of his head won't do anything except make his scalp bleed and (ohgod)get it outofhisheadnow (please god)

It's very quiet in space.

2. Logically, Rodney knows that he can't possibly expect to succeed where the Ancients failed: barring some miraculous (and that's what it would have to be) fluke, the Ancients had more manpower, resources, time, and understanding of the intimate details of the universe than he could achieve in several lifetimes. He knows this. He just chooses to ignore it. Both because hey, he might get lucky, and because, well, he's Rodney McKay, and sooner or later he always manages to come up with a solution. (Except for that one time that got him loaned out to the Russians.)

(And this other time, but that won't matter in about 2.85 seconds.)


3. The sky is bluer than Elizabeth remembers it being, but that's probably just because she's looking at it with fresh eyes, new appreciation. Which is probably also why the chocolate pudding doesn't taste quite right--having a hand stuck in your head is bound to mix things up a little afterward.

And people keep asking her how she is because she was tortured; those sidelong glances are because they're concerned about her. (She tells herself this when they look away again.) They've lost too many people since coming to this place: it's only natural that this latest crisis would make everyone anxious. (Except they don't look anxious, exactly. More--

No. She's not going to let herself think that.)

But her sheets feel wrong and her dreams are bad (trapped--alone--she's not really there) and the sky is still that same impossible blue, and Lorne keeps asking her how she's slept, eyes always unperturbed despite his furrowed brow, and sometimes she sees things at the edges of her line of vision. Or in the mirror, or the shadows at the end of the hall, and when she listens to the silence when she's all alone--

She listens a little too long one morning.

4. He breaks somewhere in the . . . eighth year? Ninth?

Time doesn't really matter anymore. (Time doesn't really exist anymore: every instant is just an echo of the one before it.)

He'll do anything to stop the endless chase, even if it means becoming like Them. Even if it means becoming Them. Even if it means gutting Them like cattin and eating Their flesh raw, cracking Their bones, clothing himself in Their skins. (His teeth aren't sharp enough, his nails long enough, his rage fierce enough, his howl loud or long enough, but They die anyway.)

They beg for mercy sometimes, but he's forgotten what the word means. (The small ones weep too, sometimes, but they die just as slowly.)

5. Teyla knows what she does is folly, but she must make the attempt, must try something--and when she shreds her mind in the attempt to bend the Wraith to her will, there is no one left to care.
Oh my. John and Rodney's are especially heart-rending for me because those are the very traits that I love and admire in them, and they are the things (viewed in another light/experienced in an alternate universe) that damn them.

It was supposed to be a somewhat lighthearted series of unconnected snippets. But then John got shipped back to earth, and then there wasn't anyone to keep Rodney from blowing himself up, and then Elizabeth had no support system, and no one brought Ronon home, and ...

Well, there wasn't anyone left for Teyla after that.

Yup. It's Ronon. Or was Ronon. By now he's forgotten he actually had a name at some point, that he was a person and not just a Wraith-killer.

Thanks! I wasn't aiming for creepy, but I seem to have landed there pretty solidly. Funny how that happens sometimes.
Thanks! (I think; I'm currently kind of freaked out over the fact that I wrote this, unprompted by anyone or anything except a self-imposed midnight deadline.)
Whoa! I'm impressed! Very awesome! Very creepy! Very realistic! Were SGA a darker show, I could easily see one or both of those happening.
The best episodes, I think, were the ones that made quite clear how thin was the knife's edge that the expedition balanced on, especially in the early years.

(and i could probably phrase that better, but you get what i'm trying to say, right?)
Wow. So very creepy because they're all just a little too possible...*shiver.*

Don't get too weirded out about producing these, though. Take a look at any really riveting SGA situation, and I think you'll see a similarly horrid possibility lurking behind all of that lovely dramatic tension. It's simply your wonderful instinct for storytelling that brought these to light!
Well, it's mostly just that I expected to write something at least semi-silly, and instead wound up with this.
Heh. Reminds me of my most recent attempt to write an SGA fic! I thought it was going to be a longish h/c Teamy thing...and it came out a short, stark, and macabre horror story with an exaggeratedly external POV and almost no character involvement (and, of course, no ending. I've never managed to end a story yet!).

It's amusing to talk in terms of being led by a "muse"...and yet, I can very much see why the Greeks came up with the idea. Inspiration really does seem to have a life of its own!
oh wow, these are breath taking yet so tangibly scary. Amazing how five lives are so intertwined and how lost and broken they are without one another.
Thanks! (I think; this isn't exactly the kind of story I want to tell with any frequency.)
Whoa, chilling and all too plausible. (I don't completely understand John's part - he activated the wrong Ancient device? He has Atlantis-withdrawal?) Elizabeth's and Teyla's parts are especially well done. Ouch.

The John section plays off of my tweak to canon, that he has a bit more of a mental connection to Atlantis than in the show; here it's gone wrong somehow, so that he's basically been driven crazy by the city whispering away at the back of his mind all the time.
Thanks! I'd almost forgotten I'd even written this, so it's nice get such a lovely reminder. :)