1. "Did a cupcake really try to eat Colonel Sheppard's face?"
"I heard it was Ronon."
"No, no---Sheppard tried to eat it, Ronon told him not to, and then they started a massive food fight."
"Really? I thought it was a Jello wrestling match."
"....Uh, yes sir. Jensen was complaining that they never have the orange-flavored kind."
"Citrus is evil, haven't you heard? Oh, and it was a spindley-drome that tried to eat my face, not a cupcake. Several other peoples' faces, too, actually. And then Ronon shot it."
"Just want to make sure you have the facts, if you're going to be talking about it."
"....Sir. Jensen, you are so dead."
2. "And then this thing covered in purple spots landed on my head."
"It was a chicken, Rodney."
"Chickens are not purple. Anyway, isn't it your job to keep that kind of thing from happening to me?"
"My job, Rodney, is to protect Atlantis. I don't think domesticated fowl really enter the equation."
"Oh, but cupcakes do?"
"....It wasn't a cupcake, Rodney."
3. "No no no! This crystal goes here, that crystal goes there."
"If you want something to explode, perhaps. I thought we went over this two days ago, yes?"
"Yes. And we decided the board needs to be configured the other way to prevent random power surges."
"I think you'll find if you look at our notes that you are wrong."
"I'm not wrong."
"I might be more inclined to agree with you if I hadn't seen those pictures of you with a chicken on your head."
"....He took pictures? I'm going to kill him."
"Yes, yes. But first put the crystals back where they should be, please."
4. "I hear someone's planning your death, John."
"Yeah, though I'm not sure why."
"Something to do with purple-spotted chickens, I heard."
"What? I told him birds aren't in my job description. That doesn't seem like a good reason to kill me."
"Maybe not, but what about the photos?"
5. "If Rodney finds out you're the one who took those photos, there will be 'hell to pay', as John would put it."
"Yeah, but he won't. He thinks Sheppard did it."
"I can't imagine why."
"....I may have said something to someone and told them not to repeat it."
"Hey, he didn't believe me about the face eating spindley-drome. This is just a little pay-back."