dean bw

ficbit: Respite (8) [spn]

Having just conducted a long conversation with deadlybride about the use and abuse of author's notes, I feel vaguely hypocritical saying this, but: still very rough draft. This is a scene that had to be written to get me from A to C, but I honestly don't know that it'll prove necessary to the story as a whole, should I ever manage to finish it. Also, this was a bear. Unlike all the other scenes that pretty much just wrote themselves, this ... didn't. Hoo boy, it didn't. (You can tell just by looking at my long-hand version--almost half of it has been scratched out.) So: if you can, give me reasons to keep it, because I suspect otherwise it'll wind up getting cut in the final version.

***

The lunch line at BT’s Smokehouse runs from door to counter, wrapping around the condiment island along the way; walking into the building is like being struck across the ears with a 2x4 of sound, bare walls and floor turning rock music, sports TV, and the chatter of waiting customers into a never-ending wave of *noise*. It’s a shock after the quiet of Wells Park and Dean’s subdued silence in the car, and within five minutes Sam begins to drown.

He doesn’t say anything—food remains one of Dean’s few surviving consolations, and he doesn’t want to spoil that—but Dean must sense Sam’s growing tension because after another five minutes (and five feet shuffled forward), he tugs Sam down so he can shout into Sam’s ear, “You want to go keep an eye on the car, make sure no one parks us in?”

“Get me something *naturally* green,” Sam bargains, like he’s the one doing Dean a favor, and escapes out into the parking lot—just in time to rescue the Impala from getting boxed in, so perhaps it wasn’t merely sensitivity on Dean’s part.

He’s never minded this kind of waiting: Impala serving as seat or shelter, with a bit of shade and a steady stream of cars going by, and the promise of food and welcome company at the end of it. So he strips off the sports jacket he’d been wearing for the part of ‘annoying ecology reporter’, bundling it behind his head and sprawling out across the Impala’s windshield like when he was young and the car the only home he’d ever known.

Of course, just as he’s got himself comfortable, his phone starts vibrating a subtle jig against his thigh, and the pockets on this pair of jeans are tight enough that it takes him nearly a minute of awkward fumbling and wriggling to get the thing out (leaving him hugely grateful that the lack of windows in the smokehouse means he’s safe from being seen by Dean). While driving over from Fall River he’d set up alerts on his phone for anything in the area that might point to more soul-sucking by Amera—but once he finally got the phone out and unlocked, the only message was a text from Dean: a picture of an enormous platter of corn dogs with the accompanying question, “Sure you want something green?”

“YES”, Sam sends back, and then adds (for peace of mind), “NO FOOD COLORING”, because the memory of that one incident when he was eleven still turns his stomach.

Posts from This Journal by “fiction fragments” Tag

food remains one of Dean’s few surviving consolations, and he doesn’t want to spoil that -- <3 <3 <3

He’s never minded this kind of waiting: Impala serving as seat or shelter, with a bit of shade and a steady stream of cars going by, and the promise of food and welcome company at the end of it. -- I like this. It wraps history and characterization ("this kind" of waiting, implying that other kinds make him impatient) in with another reminder that he and Dean are happy with each other. (!!!)

I don't think this would need to be cut, though of course I don't know the context. It's not pointless window-dressing--we get to see how they're interacting at this moment, get the information that Dean has been made subdued (I assume by the previous non-conversation about Sam & Jess's planned vacation), get the information about the news alerts that justifies their continued presence... It should be able to stay, assuming that the characterization moments here don't end up redundant when it's put into context. For pacing reasons you might want to shorten one of the descriptions... though, again, that might not matter once the fic is finished.

Also, re: author's notes: I completely agree with your thinking that AO3 is where something goes when it's *finished*. I am guilty of putting things up one chapter at a time there, but never when they're still in a draft stage. Noting that these are rough drafts isn't attention-seeking; you're doing, like, a public beta. :) Nothing wrong with that.
<3 <3 <3 - I didn't throw this in simply because of past conversations about this, but I did think of you while writing it. :D

I like this. It wraps history and characterization ("this kind" of waiting, implying that other kinds make him impatient) in with another reminder that he and Dean are happy with each other. (!!!) - I do try to follow the rule of thumb to make as many sentences as possible accomplish multiple things at once, so it's always of great comfort when I hear I've accomplished that. And one of the things this season in particular reminded the audience over and over is that Sam actually likes Dean. "Red Meat" (to pick a single instance) showed this quite nicely with Sam's near-eagerness to tromp around in the forest with a grumpy Dean. Sure, he tried to jolly Dean out of it, but he clearly wasn't dismayed by Dean's attitude.

So this whole fic is basically an excuse for me to write more that kind of thing, minus the werewolves and attempted Julietting on Dean's part.

It should be able to stay, assuming that the characterization moments here don't end up redundant when it's put into context. - Okay. *sighs in relief* I'm hitting the point that usually happens a lot sooner, where I just begin to doubt the validity of the whole venture. "Why am I writing this? Who cares? Shouldn't the whole thing be scrapped?" etc. Usually I don't have anyone around to talk me out of it, though. So thank you. I would like to finish this, I think.

Noting that these are rough drafts isn't attention-seeking; you're doing, like, a public beta. :) Nothing wrong with that. - I rest easy with your approval. :P But it is comforting to know that's how it appears from the outside--it's very difficult to judge from the inside, sometimes.
"Why am I writing this? Who cares? Shouldn't the whole thing be scrapped?" - Ha, you just described basically the entire writing process of not the good things, nor the bad. Good to know other people go through it too, I guess. :)

Also--Sam actually likes Dean! I hadn't thought of it so succinctly before, but that's pretty much the bottom line of season 11. How wonderful.

Edited at 2016-08-08 09:28 pm (UTC)