babies

Retro-fic: The SPACE WARS

10 years ago this month I started this blog as a way to share stuff I wrote. In honor of that, I thought I'd unearth and share the first piece of fiction I actually thought might be worth showing to other people. Waaaaaay back when I was (at most) 10 myself. And had apparently just watched Star Wars for the first time.



Azer fumbled for her knife in the sand. She wished they hadn't tied her hands. It would have mayed getting away easyer. She grited her teeth as another shot flew past her ear. Ah! there it was! She grabed it and gripped it in her mouth and began to saw at her bonds. Yasu, her gardian had been right. She had wandered to far, and now she was getting it. Just as she was about to saw through the last strand, she tripped and it broke.

***

The sun shone brightly into Luke's window as he tried to sleep. But because his eyes wouldn't stay closed, he got ready to get up. He glanced out the window and groned. The agnum had gotten out again. "Luke! Luke!" That was his foster mother. "Coming!" He rolled over and got up. He never ever seemed to get enofe sleep.

***

Azer lay still as she heard the taurem gallop past, showering sand in every direction. She got up and stuck her knife into her belt. It was going to be a long walk home, she thoght, but at least her hands wern't tied. She would have to be more carful now that the sand people knew she was here.

Leah looked around in panic. there was no way out. The intire building was surronded by troopers. How did they know she was here? "Oh Deus," she wispered, "please take care of me and the rebleon." "Lady," some one called. "Their leder demands surrender." "I will speak to him myself," the young lady Leah said.

"Luke," his foster father said, "I want you to go and find one of the strays. watch out for sand people, O.K.?" "Right." Luke got up from the table and went out to the garage. Another couple hours of no free time. He started up the engine in his B-WX air-rider and sighed. oh well, at least he wasn't cleaning out the agnum pen. Bill, his foster father said they would have enofe money for a droid soon, and that meant less chores.

Azer very quietly sat down in the sand. She was lost. Great. Just great. She got up and went to the top of the sand hill. Nothing as far as the eye could see. But may-be their was something farther! She pulled out her macromononocularsand scaned the land scape. Nothing again. But wait! There was something moving, and it wasn't turum! She jumped up and began to dog-trot steadly in that direction.

Luke felt like his eyes would fall out. He had searched up to ten miles away from the farm stead. Luke picked up his macronoculars and looked all around him. Movement! He quikly steared the air-rider toward it.

Leah couldn't belive she had been so stuped as to actshaly trust the Dark lord Legion. She had gone to talk terms with him - He was very evil, and not to be taken on his word. But Leah wasn't a fool, that she would not take precautions. She had ordered that some one fire a message pad to Tatooine, where Yesu lived in hiding. Yesu was very powerful and very just. She knew he would and could help her.

Azer ran over the top of the sand-hill and began to run so fast down the other side that she couldn't stop when she tried to, instead she triped and rolled the rest of the way down the slope. Slowly she got up and began to brush the sand off her clothes. She started to tuck her hair behind her ears but stoped and begain to shake her head to get the sand out of her hair. Sand flew in all directions! When she was done she looked to see what had been moving and saw an little agnum just lieing there listlessly and unmoving. "Oh you poor thiing!" Azer said imedately. "What are you doing here?" She sat down beside it and gave it some of her water. "I guss we'er both lost." She said to herself.

Luke had been watching what had happened but was struck by the beauty of the girl. Azer had bronze hair, hazel eyes and looked very slim in the baggy tunic she was wearing.

Azer looked up and saw Luke. He looked rather striking, with blue eyes and gold hair, he was was was [sic] wearing a tunic of the same sort only a little shorter, they both had on strips of cloth rapped around their legs. Luke had boots on and Azer had sandles up to her anckles.

"Is this you agnum?" Azer asked. "I found it in the sand." "I know." Luke answered. He looked up suddenly and cried "Sand storm!" Azer sat strate up. "Oh no!" "Oh yes." Luke replied grimly. "We've got to get out of here. Come on, get in my air-rider and bring the agnum with you." Azer strugeled to get the agnum into the air-rider untill Luke reached down and helped her. "Thanks," she said shyly. "Sure, but we need to get out of here!" "Right." She said pulled her self into the air-rider.

Luke gunned the moter and they zoomed toward safety in the opeset way as the sand-storm. They raced along until once again there was nothing but sand to be seen. "Thanks" Azer said softly. "Oh, it was nothing." Luke replied, hearing the blood rushing in his ears and knowing they were turning crimson. They sat there for a minute until Azer suddenly said "Gee, your face is bright red!" Luke grined sheepeshly in response. They both started laughing, until they heard something. "Maa!" the little agnum bleeted strugeling to its feet. "Do you have any idea at all of where we are?" Luke ask for what was going to be the first of many times. "No." "So we'er lost then?" "Quite." "Well I think I better know the name of the person I'm lost with." Luke said. "My name is Azer; what's yours?" Azer countered. "Luke Lightseeker." Just as softly as Azer had a minute ago. "But what is a girl like you doing out here in the dessert alone!" "Oh, I love here." she said. "Alone?!" said an astonished Luke. "No!" I live with my gardian!" She responded laughingly.




...And there it stops, never to be completed. Things I find interesting in retrospect:

  • I clearly had no cognitive distinction between "orignal fiction" and "fanfiction". It was all just "story I like".

  • Also, I had a decent vocabulary for my age, but iffy spelling and punctuation.

  • I didn't leave myself any notes, so I have no idea where the story was supposed to go, if not a straight retread of Star Wars, except I obviously couldn't remember all the details of the movie, and so probably would have wound up having to make up a lot of stuff to fill in holes.

  • And I suspect, knowing me, I did have plans to give the Obi-Wan character a somewhat longer lifespan than the original. Because old guys who know stuff are more interesting than young guys who don't.

  • "Azer" did make a few other appearances in various other stories over the next few years; nothing that ever actually turned into anything substantial, though--probably because I kept running into the difficulty that she didn't actually have a personality

Well, that was fun--if only for the ego-boost of knowing how much my ability to copy-edit has improved over the years. And also my sensitivity to the whole Mary Sue thing. :P (Question: do all writers go through a Mary Sue stage?)

Posts from This Journal by “all fiction” Tag

My test for a Mary Sue in action-oriented fic is to simply switch sexes. If what the character does as a boy does not feel incongruous to you (taking into account your particular social context), then there is not that particular problem.

A self-insertion is not the same as a Mary Sue.
Oh, believe me. She turned into a full-blown Mary Sue as she migrated through different stories. Or would have, if my innate sense hadn't kept dropping the stories as soon as I realized they couldn't go in any readable directions. Given enough of a chance, she certainly would've turned into a classic case of Mary Sue.

I'm currently playing with a self-insert for the first time in 15+ years, and it's completely different from what I was doing with Azer. Mostly because I'm a) fully aware of what I'm writing and b) she's a normal person and not a stunningly gorgeous orphan with a mysterious past.
My first original continuing character was based on Baba Yaga, as written by Patricia McKillip, in one of her short stories, "Baba Yaga and the Sorceror's Son".
Nifty! Baba Yaga is one of those characters you can take in various directions without automatically breaking them. Folklore is often handy that way. ;D
Yes. McKillip's version was perfect for my purposes" "She was sometimes very wicked and sometimes very wise, and no-one ever knew what she was going to do next."
At age 10, you would not have known what you do now. You would not have written it like this now.